It is one of my first posts at this forum, so I ask you for understanding.
Since about six years I am very slow-moving. My work efficiency , measured in corporate jobs, is 30%-60%.
In 2010, after examination period at my university: convultions, nervous shake-ups like in epilepsy, I was afraid of crowds of people, getting into an elevator. These sympthoms passed away very quickly after medicines. For about a year later I had very strong anxieties/phobias. My body was very strongly tense, I was kind of nervously tense, I felt like my nervous system was getting crazy. I was afraid of my neightbours, that they are going to attack me, and foremost, that they plot against me and talk about me all the time (most probably no one was telling even a world about me). I had a very strong anxiety and phobias about people from my junior highschool, that bullied me very strongly in a school, some of them ended even as criminals. I was reminding, getting back to those situations and problems all the time during feeling so tense and anxious. One of my doctors, neuropsychologist-neurosurgeon named these problems as post-trauma problems. I agree to this supposal.
After a year of these problems I started to work, anxiousness and phobias just passed away. It is my own impression, but I believe, these phobias ‘got into me’, burried somewhere deep inside of me.
Since this time I am very slowly-moving. The easiest things to do, like washing-up, getting dressed, take me a lot of time, I assume twice or three times more then to a healthy person. I am 100% sure this problem can be solved, because there used to be some moments, when it did. The problem is sort of obsesssion/mania. My head is ‘always spinning’, all the time I am awake after waking up, my head is full of all kinds of thoughts of all kinds, like finance, psychology, philosophy, business, sport and any discipline or problem possible. I think and analyse all the time, and it interrupts normal living. When it very rarely occures, that my mind is not so ‘full of thoughts, analysis’, I work almost 100% effectively. I guess there is some sort of trigger in my psychology, that could allow me to stop the moving thoughts. Meditation helped me to some extent.
When I stop breathing for a short moment, the ‘analysing’ stops. Getting into a support group and working on becoming extravert, helped me also to some extend to ‘spit out’ these thoughts and becoming less obssesive. In general, it all looks as if I felt dim, groggy, slowly reacting and thinking, feeling like weary and even depressed without doing anything, feeling so even after getting up in the morning.
Things that helped me:
Unfortunatelly the problem still remains. I attend therapy, to one of the best therapist in my area of living (Poland). I am very satisfied of the therapy. Unfortunatelly I haven’t so far become a satisfactory answer from her.
What is important for me, is stopping these thoughts. In the last few years the intensity of thoughts/analysis also occured, but wasn’t that strong.
I beg you for response.
I give my best regards and greeting to all members of this forum.
P.S. I suffer from a personality disorders (paranoid/paranoidal) and obsessive-compulsive disorders, like checking locks in door or washing hands many times
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